The FDA is at it again, swooping in to save us from ourselves with a shiny new definition of what qualifies as “healthy.” The agency seems to think Americans can’t grasp that salmon is a healthier choice than sugary cereal. It’s like they imagine us aimlessly picking up white bread and cartoon-covered yogurt, completely lost on what nutrition even means.

Under these new standards, foods labeled “healthy” must meet strict limits on saturated fat, sodium, and added sugars. Additionally, these products need to include a certain amount of food from key groups like fruits, veggies, and low-fat dairy. So, out with white bread and sugary cereals, and in with salmon, olive oil, nuts, and seeds. Oh, and canned fruits and vegetables—because nothing screams “progress” like a can of green beans.

The FDA proudly touts this as the first major change to the definition of “healthy” in 30 years, claiming it aligns with the latest nutritional science. Sure, because slapping a new label on a box is going to fix America’s dietary habits overnight. But let’s be real—their intentions seem less about helping you and more about controlling the choices you make at the store.

FDA Commissioner Dr. Robert Califf went on about how this new rule is critical to combating chronic diseases like diabetes and heart disease. A noble goal, no doubt, but let’s not ignore the elephant in the room: personal responsibility. Americans aren’t exactly confused about what’s healthy and what isn’t—they’re making choices based on convenience, cost, and, yes, cravings.

Don’t overlook the bureaucratic overreach at play. The FDA’s Deputy Commissioner, Jim Jones, called food labeling “a powerful tool for change,” which is really just code for pressuring food manufacturers to overhaul their products to fit these arbitrary rules. Never mind that it could drive up costs for consumers—because, apparently, you should pay more for a granola bar that checks all the FDA’s boxes.

Oh, and don’t think you’ll see the “healthy” label everywhere. The American Heart Association’s Nancy Brown even admitted that it’ll only show up on a limited number of packages. Great. So after years of deliberation, rule changes, and corporate adjustments, the grand result is…a few labels here and there.

And let’s talk about their plan to add a symbol to the front of packaging to make it easier for consumers to spot “healthy” foods. Because, clearly, flipping a package to read the nutrition label on the back is just too much work. These initiatives are part of the Biden administration’s broader strategy outlined at the 2022 Conference on Hunger, Nutrition, and Health. Translation? More government interference disguised as helpful regulation.

Look, no one’s saying Americans don’t need better diets. But do we really need the FDA babysitting our grocery shopping habits? Slapping a “healthy” label on foods isn’t going to magically solve diet-related diseases or extend life expectancy. Instead of forcing manufacturers into compliance and pushing bureaucratic labels, maybe we could try promoting education and personal choice.

But that’s just too simple for the government, isn’t it? The media and health bureaucrats will cheer this move as groundbreaking progress while ignoring the unintended consequences. Higher prices, fewer options, and yet another layer of government meddling in our daily lives.

So, the next time you’re at the store and see a shiny new “healthy” label on a package, just remember: it’s not about making you healthier—it’s about making Washington feel better about itself. And isn’t that just the healthiest dose of reality you could ask for?