Who didn’t see this coming? The pardon for Hunter Biden is here, right on time, just ahead of his December 12 sentencing for those pesky federal gun charges and his upcoming December 16 sentencing for his little tax evasion slip-up. Apparently, it’s a “Full and Unconditional” pardon, covering all his past misdeeds from January 1, 2014, to December 1, 2024. This includes everything he may have “committed or taken part in” during that time – the kind of legal gymnastics Donald Trump once got impeached for even suggesting. Oops.

But don’t worry, President Biden’s explanation for this surprise pardon is, of course, a masterpiece of political storytelling. He claims Hunter’s charges were a result of political manipulation – you know, the kind of thing only “political opponents” would think up, all in an attempt to ruin Hunter and, by extension, him. The man’s been through a lot, apparently. “In trying to break Hunter, they’ve tried to break me,” Biden said dramatically. Cue the violins.

No magic carpet ride is necessary to remember all the denials about issuing a pardon—Biden made his stance crystal clear back in June. “I will not pardon him,” he said. For months, the White House echoed this “no” like a broken record, doubling down on the notion as if it were an unshakable fortress. Fast forward to now, and… surprise, surprise, the inevitable is unfolding. Honestly, the sheer predictability of it all is almost impressive.

In November, we learned that Biden had been privately chatting with aides about pardoning Hunter since his conviction. So, uh, guess those public denials were more like political theatre? As if we didn’t know. Even Jill Biden chimed in earlier this year, assuring everyone that Hunter wouldn’t get a pardon because they respect the judicial system. Sure, Jill.

Well, here we are—shocked (not really) by the Biden family’s latest act of political sleight of hand. In the short span of a few months, we’ve gone from “I won’t pardon him” to “Full and Unconditional pardon.”

Don’t you just love the timing? Right before Hunter is due for sentencing, the “no pardon” stance crumbles like a cheap house of cards. But hey, why let consistency get in the way of a good PR spin? This whole spectacle is a masterclass in “say what you need to say to get through the day, and if people call you on it later, just pretend like they didn’t hear you the first time.” So typical of Biden and his crew: statements that are as flexible as they need them to be and a knack for making the truth as elusive as a unicorn.